Tres Bizarre
"This video is from your latest show. Here’s comes Cyndi Desire down the runway, wearing a twill pantsuit with a small mustard stain on one lapel. Followed by Jorgi L’Amour in an imitation off-the-rack floral print sundress. And here’s Zane Faust, in relaxed-fit jeans and a Disneyland sweatshirt. Please, explain the statement you are trying to make."
"In today’s fashion vorld, anyzing is possible. Ven anyzing is possible, nozing is daring. Bizzare – vat does zat mean anymore? Mundane is ze only vay to be bizarre."
Ho-hum, I think, though I smile and nod. Nothing new here.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Prompt: Loud
Hi-fi
"Whoah, don’t get so technical. Remebering that I’m a dumb journalist, please explain it again."
"Sorry, I’m just excited. This facility runs an accoustic telescope–"
"Accoustic? I thought sound couldn’t travel through space."
"Normally, no, but powerful enough events – supernovae, black hole collisions – can set up gravitational vibrations analogous to sound."
"I see. What did you, uh, ‘hear?’"
"Proof of the existence of extraterrestrial beings, with technology advanced beyond our imagination."
"What proof?"
"We don’t know how, but they made a black hole sing."
"Like, music?"
"Yes."
"Like the galaxy’s biggest hi-fi?"
"You could say that."
There’s my headline.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Prompt: Tim
Manners
Tim-tippity tim-tippity tim...
"Could you please stop that?"
"Stop what?"
"The tapping."
"Oh, I didn’t even know I was doing it. I’ll stop."
"Thanks."
Tim-tippity tim-tippity tim...
"You’re doing it again."
"Oh god, I didn’t notice. I’m so sorry. I’ll sit on my hand."
Tum-tuppity tum...
"Are you tapping under your leg?"
"Sorry, man. I guess I can’t take this as calmly as you."
"It’s just that if I’m going to plummet to my death, I’d like to plummet in peace."
The man broke down sobbing. Some people have no sense of plane crash etiquette.
Tim-tippity tim-tippity tim...
"Could you please stop that?"
"Stop what?"
"The tapping."
"Oh, I didn’t even know I was doing it. I’ll stop."
"Thanks."
Tim-tippity tim-tippity tim...
"You’re doing it again."
"Oh god, I didn’t notice. I’m so sorry. I’ll sit on my hand."
Tum-tuppity tum...
"Are you tapping under your leg?"
"Sorry, man. I guess I can’t take this as calmly as you."
"It’s just that if I’m going to plummet to my death, I’d like to plummet in peace."
The man broke down sobbing. Some people have no sense of plane crash etiquette.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Prompt: Eerie
Low Bridge
Sure, you all know about the Erie Canal, connecting Lake Erie and Hudson Bay. But nobody talks much anymore about the Eerie Canal. Runs from wherever you are right now, all the way to nobody-knows-where. It’s always deserted as far as the eye can see, save for your own vessel, and perhaps an old, decrepit, half-sunk barge tied up on the bank a hundred yards off. Yet its very emptiness becons, and you’re curious about the twinkling lights that dance in the distance, just barely visible.
But beware! Many journey, but none has returned!
Well, except Larry.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Prompt: Dragon
Do not meddle– ahh, you’ve all seen the damned bumper sticker...
"Many cultures have them in some form – giant beasts with some combination of mammalian and reptilian features, usually showing a level of intelligence equal or superior to man’s And people are nearly univerally fascinated by them."
"I thought you wanted to tell me about a neurological breakthrough."
"That’s just the thing – I found the brain center responsible for this reverent awe."
"An unorthodox line of inquiry," said Caruthers. "And a dangerous one, don’t you think?"
"Dangerous?"
"Who do you think put that in your brains?"
Johnson suddenly noticed Caruthers growing, shifting, changing. He turned to run, but didn’t get far.
"Many cultures have them in some form – giant beasts with some combination of mammalian and reptilian features, usually showing a level of intelligence equal or superior to man’s And people are nearly univerally fascinated by them."
"I thought you wanted to tell me about a neurological breakthrough."
"That’s just the thing – I found the brain center responsible for this reverent awe."
"An unorthodox line of inquiry," said Caruthers. "And a dangerous one, don’t you think?"
"Dangerous?"
"Who do you think put that in your brains?"
Johnson suddenly noticed Caruthers growing, shifting, changing. He turned to run, but didn’t get far.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Double Drabble Sunday! Prompt: Used
Gently Used
FOR SALE: Human female body, age 35, gently used. Owner looking to trade up to something more sporty.
Curly brunette, fair skin. Moderately attractive/physically fit (see photo). No tattoos; single lobe piercing, both ears.
Maintainance up to date, including annual physicals and screenings. No known congenital defects or suceptibilities. Cholesterol, blood pressure, and BMI within healthy range. Appendix and wisdom teeth removed, tonsils intact. Non-smoker, social drinker, no hard drug use. Full medical records available on request.
Trades considered. Contact owner with questions/offers -- serious inquiries only.
Please do not contact seller with services or other commercial interests.
You get used to it...
"Another tourist showed up this morning," said Kate. "In the middle of breakfast."
"You’re kidding!" said Angie. "That’s the third this month."
"Fourth, actually."
"How can you stand it?"
"You get used to it, I guess."
"But what does it mean?"
"Well, there’s got to be a reason why they’re coming from the future to see me. Mom’s sure I’m going to be famous some day, and people want to see my childhood. But I don’t know... what if I’m notorious instead? The next Hitler, or Nicole Simpson?"
A ghostly figure materialized, bisected by a wall.
"Please, just ignore him."
FOR SALE: Human female body, age 35, gently used. Owner looking to trade up to something more sporty.
Curly brunette, fair skin. Moderately attractive/physically fit (see photo). No tattoos; single lobe piercing, both ears.
Maintainance up to date, including annual physicals and screenings. No known congenital defects or suceptibilities. Cholesterol, blood pressure, and BMI within healthy range. Appendix and wisdom teeth removed, tonsils intact. Non-smoker, social drinker, no hard drug use. Full medical records available on request.
Trades considered. Contact owner with questions/offers -- serious inquiries only.
Please do not contact seller with services or other commercial interests.
You get used to it...
"Another tourist showed up this morning," said Kate. "In the middle of breakfast."
"You’re kidding!" said Angie. "That’s the third this month."
"Fourth, actually."
"How can you stand it?"
"You get used to it, I guess."
"But what does it mean?"
"Well, there’s got to be a reason why they’re coming from the future to see me. Mom’s sure I’m going to be famous some day, and people want to see my childhood. But I don’t know... what if I’m notorious instead? The next Hitler, or Nicole Simpson?"
A ghostly figure materialized, bisected by a wall.
"Please, just ignore him."
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Prompt: Deja vu
All Over Again
The writer was in a bind. He knew the moment he pulled the day’s prompt. Deja vu – was any topic more trodden-into-the-ground? Ideas for stories came to him, but each was dismissed; even if he couldn’t actually remember seeing it before, a nagging voice told him it’d been done.
Wait.
Wasn’t that a kind of...?
If his worry was originality, this wasn’t any better than his other ideas. But maybe the self-awareness would be enough to excuse it?
But resorting to the old saw of self-reference, while complaining about unoriginality?
Back to the drawing board.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Prompt: Modern
Nostalgia 2.0
"Nostalgia’s nearly exhausted."
"Clearly. The trend’s been going since the late 1990s at least; the reference point of nostalgia has been rapidly approaching the present. The window is practically closed – anything that hasn’t been tapped for nostalgia is new enough to still be passe.
"So what’s cool?"
"Modern?"
"No, people don’t have near enough self-esteem to value what they’re doing now."
"I’ve got it."
"What?"
"Recursive nostalgia."
"Please explain."
"So Nostalgia 1.0 was, ‘Remember the ‘70s?’"
"Yes?"
"Now we just have to say, ‘Remember when we remembered the ‘70s?’"
The room went silent.
"We’re gonna be fucking rich."
"Nostalgia’s nearly exhausted."
"Clearly. The trend’s been going since the late 1990s at least; the reference point of nostalgia has been rapidly approaching the present. The window is practically closed – anything that hasn’t been tapped for nostalgia is new enough to still be passe.
"So what’s cool?"
"Modern?"
"No, people don’t have near enough self-esteem to value what they’re doing now."
"I’ve got it."
"What?"
"Recursive nostalgia."
"Please explain."
"So Nostalgia 1.0 was, ‘Remember the ‘70s?’"
"Yes?"
"Now we just have to say, ‘Remember when we remembered the ‘70s?’"
The room went silent.
"We’re gonna be fucking rich."
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Prompt: Pillow
The Other Side
The pillow’s getting warmer, so you flip it over. But something’s wrong, because the other side is even warmer. You lay on it a while, trying to figure it out.
It’s getting unbearable, so you flip it over again...
It’s even hotter.
You’re fully awake now. You’re pretty sure it violates the first and second laws of thermodynamics, but something in the world has broken. The other side of the pillow is no longer cooler.
You lay still a long while, till the pillow is so soaked with sweat that you reluctantly turn it.
Is that burning hair you smell?
The pillow’s getting warmer, so you flip it over. But something’s wrong, because the other side is even warmer. You lay on it a while, trying to figure it out.
It’s getting unbearable, so you flip it over again...
It’s even hotter.
You’re fully awake now. You’re pretty sure it violates the first and second laws of thermodynamics, but something in the world has broken. The other side of the pillow is no longer cooler.
You lay still a long while, till the pillow is so soaked with sweat that you reluctantly turn it.
Is that burning hair you smell?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Prompt: Hammer
The Hammer
The hardest thing is not killing them whenever you walk down the street. Rationally, I know I can kill more of the animals if I kill one every month or so, hide the body somewhere new, than if I were to start taking them in public and get arrested. But it’s slow, and there are so many of them.
I shouldn’t brag, but I’m great at it. Manson, Berkowitz, Ridgeway – they’re pikers. Get in a rut, get caught. That’s why I find a new way each time.
It’s not hard. When you’re surrounded by nails, every tool becomes a hammer.
The hardest thing is not killing them whenever you walk down the street. Rationally, I know I can kill more of the animals if I kill one every month or so, hide the body somewhere new, than if I were to start taking them in public and get arrested. But it’s slow, and there are so many of them.
I shouldn’t brag, but I’m great at it. Manson, Berkowitz, Ridgeway – they’re pikers. Get in a rut, get caught. That’s why I find a new way each time.
It’s not hard. When you’re surrounded by nails, every tool becomes a hammer.
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