Questionable
“Dude, you asked that Kelsey Waters chick?”
“Well, actually, I asked Katrina first, but she didn’t want to go.”
“But she’ll be, well, going.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“That’ll be awkward.”
“You might be right.”
“So why, man? You got some kind of weird fetish?”
“No, nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?”
“Check this out. The way I figure it is this. Say you’re out with one of them. One thing leads to another, and things get hot and heavy. What does that mean?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Automatic threesome!” He raised an am-I-right eyebrow.
“Dude, you’re sick.”
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Drabble: Backup Plan
Backup Plan
“I’ve been trying all morning to get you alo-- well, you know what I mean. Katrina, umm, will you go to the spring formal with me?”
Katrina bit her lip. “Listen, I really appreciate it, and you’re a great friend, but I don’t think I’m really ready for that.”
“You sure?”
“Y, yeah.”
“OK. Hey, Kelsey, want to go to the spring formal?”
“Sure, sounds like fun!”
“Great! I’ll get the tickets.” He ran off.
“Kelsey, what are you doing?”
“I have every right to choose for myself.”
“And for me?”
“Let’s not get into this again.”
“Too late now.”
“I’ve been trying all morning to get you alo-- well, you know what I mean. Katrina, umm, will you go to the spring formal with me?”
Katrina bit her lip. “Listen, I really appreciate it, and you’re a great friend, but I don’t think I’m really ready for that.”
“You sure?”
“Y, yeah.”
“OK. Hey, Kelsey, want to go to the spring formal?”
“Sure, sounds like fun!”
“Great! I’ll get the tickets.” He ran off.
“Kelsey, what are you doing?”
“I have every right to choose for myself.”
“And for me?”
“Let’s not get into this again.”
“Too late now.”
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Drabble: Lame-Ass Story Based On an Empty, Strained Premise That I Posted Because I’m Too Lazy To Write Something New
Lame-Ass Story Based On an Empty, Strained Premise That I Posted Because I’m Too Lazy To Write Something New
“Did you hear what happened to Mark?”
“No, what?”
“Brain exploded. I warned him not to go playing around with all that whacky mathematics, the nature of infinity and multiple dimensions -- you name it. We all know how dangerous that can be.”
“His own damned fault, sure, but still. Pretty rough way to go, don’t you think?”
“The roughest.”
Jim ran in. “Hey, guys, did you hear about Mark?”
“We heard, we heard. Now don’t burst in like that, you’ll give someone a heart attack.”
“Can being startled really cause a heart attack?”
“No, that’s just a figure of speech.”
“Did you hear what happened to Mark?”
“No, what?”
“Brain exploded. I warned him not to go playing around with all that whacky mathematics, the nature of infinity and multiple dimensions -- you name it. We all know how dangerous that can be.”
“His own damned fault, sure, but still. Pretty rough way to go, don’t you think?”
“The roughest.”
Jim ran in. “Hey, guys, did you hear about Mark?”
“We heard, we heard. Now don’t burst in like that, you’ll give someone a heart attack.”
“Can being startled really cause a heart attack?”
“No, that’s just a figure of speech.”
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Serendipity
Serendipity
“You think this was an inside job?”
“Almost definitely.”
“You really think someone on our staff was in on it?”
“At least one, probably more. Those alarms don’t fail, and they can’t be turned off from the outside. There had to be someone there to let the guys in. Plus, none of the doors were forced; I’m guessing they had keys.”
“Really?” asked George. I could see that he was starting to sweat.
“What’s wrong?”
“Shit, man, you got me.”
“What?”
“I’m the inside guy!”
“Wait, I thought I was.”
“Wait, are you Thunderhawk?”
“And you’re Palindrome!”
“Shit, small world!”
“You think this was an inside job?”
“Almost definitely.”
“You really think someone on our staff was in on it?”
“At least one, probably more. Those alarms don’t fail, and they can’t be turned off from the outside. There had to be someone there to let the guys in. Plus, none of the doors were forced; I’m guessing they had keys.”
“Really?” asked George. I could see that he was starting to sweat.
“What’s wrong?”
“Shit, man, you got me.”
“What?”
“I’m the inside guy!”
“Wait, I thought I was.”
“Wait, are you Thunderhawk?”
“And you’re Palindrome!”
“Shit, small world!”
Monday, August 25, 2008
Droubble: Mistakes
Mistakes
The notorious sky-pirate had plenty of time to think about his last mistake, and all those leading up to it. In hindsight, the trail went back distressingly far.
Why didn't he stick to the sea, like his old captain had suggested? Why precisely had he decided to get himself a zeppelin and take to the skies? He'd claimed at the time that it was the money, the treasure and ransomable aristocrats traversing the sky in the luxury liners, but really, he realized, it had been all about the prestige of the title "sky-pirate." And what good was prestige at this juncture?
Then there was his stupid vendetta against Sky Commander Riley. Piracy's about the profits, not personal grudges, and yet after that first fight he'd become obsessed with defeating the crazy vigilante. If he'd just laid low...
And that ill-conceived attack from above, the questionable advantage of hiding in the sun far outweighed by the maneuverability lost by venting so much gas in making that steep dive...
And safety lines – they may have cramped his style, but style seemed somehow less important now.
Not much longer to think about it, though; the ground was coming up fast.
The notorious sky-pirate had plenty of time to think about his last mistake, and all those leading up to it. In hindsight, the trail went back distressingly far.
Why didn't he stick to the sea, like his old captain had suggested? Why precisely had he decided to get himself a zeppelin and take to the skies? He'd claimed at the time that it was the money, the treasure and ransomable aristocrats traversing the sky in the luxury liners, but really, he realized, it had been all about the prestige of the title "sky-pirate." And what good was prestige at this juncture?
Then there was his stupid vendetta against Sky Commander Riley. Piracy's about the profits, not personal grudges, and yet after that first fight he'd become obsessed with defeating the crazy vigilante. If he'd just laid low...
And that ill-conceived attack from above, the questionable advantage of hiding in the sun far outweighed by the maneuverability lost by venting so much gas in making that steep dive...
And safety lines – they may have cramped his style, but style seemed somehow less important now.
Not much longer to think about it, though; the ground was coming up fast.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Drabble: Kitchen Cleaning
Kitchen Cleaning
“You touched it?”
“What else would one do? Just pretend it wasn’t there till it went away?”
“You could have at least worn gloves.”
“Or poked it with something,” piped in one of the kids.
“Well, I didn’t have gloves, and I wanted to get it out of there.”
“So what happened then?”
“Well, it was halfway out from under the oven when it started to fight back.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope, I wrestled the thing for about three minutes before it slipped my grasp and pulled back in there.”
“And you’re just going to leave it?”
"Live and let live.”
“You touched it?”
“What else would one do? Just pretend it wasn’t there till it went away?”
“You could have at least worn gloves.”
“Or poked it with something,” piped in one of the kids.
“Well, I didn’t have gloves, and I wanted to get it out of there.”
“So what happened then?”
“Well, it was halfway out from under the oven when it started to fight back.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope, I wrestled the thing for about three minutes before it slipped my grasp and pulled back in there.”
“And you’re just going to leave it?”
"Live and let live.”
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Drabble: Air
Air
Fourteen and one half pounds of air, pushing down (and in and up and whatever else) against every square inch of my skin. All my life I’ve stood it, but today it’s jsut too much, and I can’t bring myself to do anything but lie in bed and wish for it to stop. But wishing does not make it so. I want to do something about it, anything, but that would require action, and that’s just too terrible to imagine. Nothing to do except to pass another day, wrapped in the crush of disappointment, tangled in sweat-soaked bed clothes.
Fourteen and one half pounds of air, pushing down (and in and up and whatever else) against every square inch of my skin. All my life I’ve stood it, but today it’s jsut too much, and I can’t bring myself to do anything but lie in bed and wish for it to stop. But wishing does not make it so. I want to do something about it, anything, but that would require action, and that’s just too terrible to imagine. Nothing to do except to pass another day, wrapped in the crush of disappointment, tangled in sweat-soaked bed clothes.
Drabble: Alone
Alone
Shit.
Something’s seriously wrong here. Where’s Lefty? Where am I, for that matter? This doesn’t seem right, doesn’t seem right at all. Last I knew I was riding along in the car, then that slobber factory the Mistress has been carting around picked me up and before I knew I was lying here.
She’s got to come back for me, right?
I’ve never been this alone before. I think I’m going to be sick.
- - -
“Funny how you always see just the one shoe on the side of the highway, isn’t it?”
“Mmm.”
“Gotta be a story there, don’t you think?”
Shit.
Something’s seriously wrong here. Where’s Lefty? Where am I, for that matter? This doesn’t seem right, doesn’t seem right at all. Last I knew I was riding along in the car, then that slobber factory the Mistress has been carting around picked me up and before I knew I was lying here.
She’s got to come back for me, right?
I’ve never been this alone before. I think I’m going to be sick.
- - -
“Funny how you always see just the one shoe on the side of the highway, isn’t it?”
“Mmm.”
“Gotta be a story there, don’t you think?”
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Drabble: Mean Drunk
Mean Drunk
I’ll tell you, the giant squid have been getting a lot of attention lately, but believe me, it’s all talk.
Oh, sure, they’ve got the mysterious, “secrets of the deep” thing going on. You know why? Cause if you pull one up to the surface it turns into a limp, sticky, ammonia-smelling rag. You pull me to the surface? You’ve got over two thousand pounds of toothy, snapping death.
People used to cower in fear; now it’s “Great White? Ho hum.” It’s not fair!
Kick me out, will you? Sure, go ahead. There are plenty of other sand bars.
I’ll tell you, the giant squid have been getting a lot of attention lately, but believe me, it’s all talk.
Oh, sure, they’ve got the mysterious, “secrets of the deep” thing going on. You know why? Cause if you pull one up to the surface it turns into a limp, sticky, ammonia-smelling rag. You pull me to the surface? You’ve got over two thousand pounds of toothy, snapping death.
People used to cower in fear; now it’s “Great White? Ho hum.” It’s not fair!
Kick me out, will you? Sure, go ahead. There are plenty of other sand bars.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Drabble: Quest
Quest
It runs its long sticky tongue along its prison-bar teeth, sickly-bright red over dull yellow. “What you bring for it?”
I shake the lumpy things from my sack. Even after washing the malevolent odor is enough to make a strong woman reel. “Will this be enough?”
It lifts one in its gnarled claw, licks the thing. “Ooh. It like. Fresh.”
“Damn straight, they are.” I’d spent hours hacking the things from the corpulent bellies of swamp frogs.
“Here is your payment.”
I look into the bag. “Wait!” I shout, but it’s long gone.
Damned NPC stiffed me again.
It runs its long sticky tongue along its prison-bar teeth, sickly-bright red over dull yellow. “What you bring for it?”
I shake the lumpy things from my sack. Even after washing the malevolent odor is enough to make a strong woman reel. “Will this be enough?”
It lifts one in its gnarled claw, licks the thing. “Ooh. It like. Fresh.”
“Damn straight, they are.” I’d spent hours hacking the things from the corpulent bellies of swamp frogs.
“Here is your payment.”
I look into the bag. “Wait!” I shout, but it’s long gone.
Damned NPC stiffed me again.
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